i’m angry. nothing happened. no one said anything. i just woke up frustrated. i wake up this way most mornings and i walk around straining to keep in my acidic comments least they burn someone too deeply. still … ok well i’m not originally from southern california (i’m from central california) and besides some choice vernacular (hella vs nicccceee! (note: these are not interchangeable)) and driving habits (stopping at green lights due to traffic and speeding through yellow and red lights) i’ve noticed that southern californians are very sensitive. touchy. emotional. at least more than the farmers in central california are.
my dry humor and abrasive sarcasm does not go over well here. and i’m beginning to think i’m far too angry to be a californian at all. i’d probably be better suited…somewhere else… (though my attitude, quick temper and loud mouth might get me killed. not to mention the fact that i don’t know how to fight because i do it with my words. my idea is that if you bark loud enough, no one will want to know what your bite is like.) anyway, i like to curse. a lot. i mean if it’s not bullshit then it’s all kinds of fucked up. who cares? i have a real liking for words and literature and find them both to be important. but all words, not just the pretty ones.
but i digress. i don’t trust people. i generally dislike almost everyone i meet. i don’t like kids. i don’t like to be bothered with questions like “what time is it?” i mean i’m really just pissed at people for just being around me most of the time. and it makes me say funny things. i don’t mean funny weird, i mean funny haha. but no one gets it. and i’m starting to think no one gets it because deep down inside i’m not californian. i’m like some other people who aren’t californian. it’s not that i don’t belong, it’s that californians are so emotional. always caring and apologizing and getting into people’s shit. the humor that i have stems from a serious case of lazy misanthropy but it is still humor…albeit, a little cruel, but funny none the less.
i only want certain people to get in my shit and most people aren’t invited. but beware! if you are invited you are privileged and cursed. because i value my secrets and if you betray me…well…ask my grandfather. don’t worry. i didn’t beat him or anything violent like that. i’ve simply cut him out of my life after discovering how he satisfied his needs with the help of one of his daughters. if he was dying and begging on the street i would pass him by. the most i can do is be apathetic and unfortunately for him i do it quite well.
